My husband just came from a nine-hour boat trip from Palawan. After being exposed to endless sun, wind, and saltwater in a nine-hour boat trip which will render a normal man tired and half dead, he recently decided to drive another three hours to go back to Manila from Batangas.
His motivation? His new car just arrived.
It would have been nice to hear that he was racing to get back because he missed me, but in reality, he just couldn’t wait to drive his car, his newest mistress who we will hide in the guise of Portia.
Yes, inevitably, you would always share your man or partner with someone or something else. But as they say, you have to choose the lesser of the evil.
So in my case, I decided that a sports car as a mistress is better than a living and breathing one. Why do I think so? Let me tell you the very honest reasons.
You get to have a threesome. Whenever my husband is excited to take me on a date or drive me, he wants to take Portia for a drive. The way I look at it, I get what I want, which is being romanced and driven. He gets what he wants. Portia gets to let out all the grunt. Everyone happy!
It becomes an upper hand. For some couples, you probably have stories where your significant other surprises you with a “His and Hers watch,” or in my husband’s case, he was tempting me with a car of my own (since I sold my car last year). This is what you call a “bliss guilt.” They are so happy with their new toy they need to even the odds by giving you something. They don’t want to ruin their honeymoon stage with words such as “what about me?” or “ikaw lang masaya.” Hence, it’s a proactive measure. In my opinion, prolong this phase to the point that you get what you really want but not too long for that itch to be scratched.
It gives him another place of solace. Let’s face it. It’s not all the time that the house is peaceful. Men need to go to their “nothing box” to de-stress. The hug of luxurious leather and him smelling like his car air freshener is better than him coming from the embrace of his side chick. A quick drive will help him lose some steam and be reminded that he is enjoying this ride because of your good graces.
It makes you look gracious, understanding, and generous. There are many ways a woman can discourage a purchase or mess up a man’s ride if she really wants to. Even if you use the “it’s my money card,” your woman can still make you give it up, make you think it’s a bad idea from the onset. If I want to scare the bejesus out of my husband, one of my favorite lines is that I’m going to sell his car for P100.
At least you know where his money went. Money fluctuations are one of the most significant indicators your partner is doing some hooky. Once there’s a change in spending habits, it can only spell trouble: gambling, drugs, women, and expensive toys—usual signs of a mid-life crisis. Buying an expensive toy to affirm their masculinity is my choice as long they don’t break the bank or spend your kids’ college money.
Disposing of is not as messy as a breakup. When everything is said and done, when the car has finished her stint as the side chick, it can easily be transferred to another happy owner with just a deed of sale. It will be a happy breakup, no tears, no drama scene. Please also just accept that an upgrade is just lurking in the corner.
On the flip side, this conversation can also turn in a different direction. Marriage, after all, is a compromise and a democracy. You need to have a strong argument that can make your husband see and agree with your point of view.
For example:
Husband: Aren’t you happy I like cars, than liking girls??
Wife: “Gusto mo sunugin ko kotse mo??” (Do you want me to burn your car?)
Mic drop.
